A year ago today, my mom brought my dad to the hospital. Dad was confused, unable to walk steady, talking but not making any sense. The day before he spent time with family, helped celebrate a family friend’s graduation and enjoyed his typical Saturday. Five hours after arriving at the hospital he passed away unexpectedly. The doctors believe it was sepsis causing multi-organ failure.
The events of the day never escape my mind…my husband helping Dad to the car, my daughter’s look of confusion, the ER room, dad’s pain and agony, the worry on my mom’s face, the voice of the hospital social worker telling us that it doesn’t look good, the moment the doctor told us that Dad needed dialysis but wasn’t stable enough to transport to Grand Rapids, the waiting room filled with those we love and the tears rolling down our cheeks, doctors and nurses aggressively performing CPR and the moment they stopped. The look of sadness from strangers as they watch us wheel my dad down the hallway with a white blanket to a private room with the monks. The sounds of chanting and the light of the white candle.
Words cannot describe how much I miss him.
I miss driving up to the house seeing him in his silky pjs working on his pond and feeding his fish. I miss walking into the house and seeing him at the dining room table watching Kung-Foo movies. I miss seeing him before heading out to a party in his cool blazer, perfectly tied tie and white leather shoes. I miss the laughter and smiles he brought to me, to his grandkids…and the joy they brought to him.
I miss my dad.